How to be Jennylyn Mercado
Jennylyn Mercado started from the bottom, and now she’s here—in a place where she can be a successful, single mom who struts in a sparkling body suit and gets the best leading men.
Most of us didn’t care about Jennylyn after she graduated from Starstruck and those 2003 side bangs. And then suddenly, she’s Derek Ramsay’s rosy-cheeked Filipino translator on English Only, Please, rocking that 2007 ‘do and cut-out swimwear. Stacy’s mom ain’t got nothing on this.
She’s every late bloomer’s patron saint. If you want to take her path to greatness, start ditching your abusive boyfriends and get a better hairstylist. Or at least, follow these tips.
Say it with us: I’m a dalagang Pilipina. Repeat 10 times till you accept your bulbous nose or can afford Vicki Belo’s services to fix that nasal bridge. Be grateful; God gave you good, tanned skin because your reality show batchmate Katrina Halili hoarded all the chinita genes, while Yasmien Kurdi nailed being Bea Alonzo’s non-biological twin.
Don’t bother visiting Jing Monis to look like Anne Curtis. Either frame your face with an emo fringe or part your hair in the middle like how yaya used to comb it. You’re banking on your delicate features and virginal vibe, not your trendsetting attempts.
Like any other pretty girl, showcase your looks by endorsing a brand you’ve never heard of. Dance around in front of a green screen, and share screen time with other poorly styled tweens. Be patient; at least you got the closest close-up here.
Later, prove your worth in a reality show that lets you air your beef toward two-faced bitches, call out insensitive people for ruining your life, and sing one of MYMP’s few original hits. Win it, snag all those shows, and deliciously snog your real-life and onscreen partner.
And oh, you sing, too, right? You should. Because your network wants to milk your newfound value, you’re stuck to singing sentimental hits in a halter neck by the beach, farm, or whatever background that fits those Magic Sing videos (That’s okay, you always have hot guys acting in them, anyway.)
You’re a versatile actress. You can play some sort of enchantress in one show, be a widow in the next, act like a rebellious expat after, and assume a superhero identity whose powers come from kissing her ring.
These days, you’ll make wiser choices. You’ll always be in romantic films, ranging from a cringe-worthy flick to a decent period piece. Since you can actually act, you’ll get more varied leading roles, hotter headlining men, and more fashionable outfits. In short, you’ll keep #winning.
You see, this industry is cruel. Unless you show some skin or beat Solenn Heusaff in the #fitspo department, chances are you’ll easily be forgotten. So do both. Shed some clothes and try a triathlon, even if Ellen Adarna already trumped you with her boxing video.
Unlike Ellen, though, you’re a mom. (Or you know, grab a kid and call it yours.) You’re also a political activist supporting Gabriela, and the frontwoman of Belo’s Laser Lipo service. You and your new slender, white arms ( but sadly not your feminist convictions) trigger every fanboy’s wettest dream. Thank them for your top spot on FHM’s “Sexiest Women” list this year.
All this success comes with a price. It can either be violent beaus or deadbeat dads. You attract showbiz hotties. But because life likes to fuck you over after giving you what you want, these men who many girls drool over cheat, leave, or worse, hit you.
But that makes you an even better star. Your life story and failed relationships are the stuff of Oprah re-runs and tabloid speculations. You mother your son in the best way you can, and have the best while you’re at it. You rise above your abused past, because now, you’re no longer some inexperienced duckling following Gina Alajar. You’ve got a new film with Jericho Rosales, and really, you can’t stop now.
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